


i mean fire in a dollhouse

by ikuzonos



Category: Dangan Ronpa, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/F, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, NDRV3 Spoilers, Pre-Canon, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 23:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15960320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikuzonos/pseuds/ikuzonos
Summary: Himiko’s vision clears and she realizes she’s face to face with Tenko Chabashira, the most popular girl in their year. She’s in the other class, so Himiko doesn’t see her very often.She’s still holding her hand. Himiko flushes.-Several of the actors met before they were cast.





	i mean fire in a dollhouse

**Author's Note:**

> (grits teeth) warning for a generalized theme of homophobia, both internalized and not, and for one use of a homophobic slur about halfway through.

The cold pavement is still wet from the previous night's rainstorm. Himiko stares at the ground, eyes dull, as she shifts her bag around on her shoulders. The bus is late again. She isn't surprised anymore.

Her neatly pressed uniform is too tight, and squeezes her skin. She bites on her lip, but not hard enough to split the skin. She can't show any trace of disarray, even if she feels like she's falling apart inside.

Internally, she runs over the words that she needs to remember for her test. Most of them fly out her ears as soon as she thinks about them. Admittedly, she didn't study last night, and just scrolled through whatever random conversations she could find.

Her stomach aches. She hasn't eaten in nearly a day.

In the distance, tires screech. Himiko jumps, then turns her head to see the orange lights of the school bus approaching her. She takes a deep breath, not prepared for the onslaught of noise that is about to plague her.

The bus rolls to a stop in front of her. Himiko flinches as she climbs up the grimy stairs, the screaming of her fellow students already forcing a headache. She waves to the driver - who doesn’t look up from the road - and slumps into an empty seat. The canvas is torn from years of use, and heavily stained.

She scoots to the side, pressing against the wall of the shaky vehicle, shifting her tote bag onto her lap. She digs into the side pocket for her neatly curled headphones and sticks them in, then cranks up her music. Instantly, the harsh voices of the bus vanish, leaving her with only smooth vocals and calm instruments. Himiko closes her eyes and leans back in the seat. It’s a fifteen minute ride, and there’s twenty minutes until the first bell rings. She’ll have to run.

-

She fails the test. At least, judging by the expression on her instructor’s face as he glances over her paper, she did. Not that she tried very hard.

There’s not much point. Himiko’s managed to scrape by this long, even doing only the bare minimum. It’s fine. It’s all fine.

Her parents won’t be pleased, but that’s only if they find out. They don’t usually bother talking to her anyways.

For the remainder of time before the lunch break, Himiko absently taps her fingers against her desk while bouncing her leg. A few of her classmates give her dirty looks, but she can’t stop. It’s the only reason she isn’t crying.

Though, she isn’t sure why that is. She’s not even sad.

The tone plays overhead. Himiko shoves her pencils into her tote bag, knowing she won’t be able to find them later, and hurries out of the classroom.

She needs to get to the third floor, and fast. If she doesn’t reach the staircase soon, it will be completely blocked off for at least ten minutes by an uninterrupted flow of students.

Himiko pushes past people she doesn’t know, not even able to choke out some kind of apology. In the midst of this mission, however, her leg temporarily gets caught on someone’s bag. As she tugs herself free, she ends up barrelling directly into someone else.

“Ow!” Himiko yelps, falling directly on top of her bag. Something inside it breaks.

“Here, I’ve got you,” a somewhat familiar voice says, taking her hand.

Himiko’s vision clears and she realizes she’s face to face with Tenko Chabashira, the most popular girl in their year. She’s in the other class, so Himiko doesn’t see her very often.

She’s still holding her hand. Himiko flushes.

Tenko winks at her and begins to walk off in the other direction, “Careful, sweetheart.”

Himiko stares at her for a moment as various other students flood around her. She shakes her head and spins back around and runs for the stairs.

She doesn’t make it in time, and ends up leaning against the wall for a good long while. The second there’s a gap, she darts through and dashes up the stairs.

The door to class 3-C is open as usual. Himiko slips inside and collapses down next to the one person she showed up to school for.

“S-Sorry I’m late, Amami,” she gets out.

Amami smiles, “It’s okay. Didn’t get out of your classroom fast enough, huh?”

Himiko shakes her head, completely out of breath.

Amami sits on top of one of the desks, “Well, no worries. You’re here now, and that’s what matters.”

Himiko nods and opens her bag. It’s a complete disaster now, and half her papers are crushed. She stares at it for a few moments, then shrugs and tosses it to the floor. Whatever.

“Do you have lunch today, Yume-chan?” Amami asks. When Himiko doesn’t answer, he passes her the bowl of udon in his hands.

“I can’t take that,” Himiko says quietly.

Amami says, “You can and you will. I feed my sisters half the time, so don’t think you’ll be any different.”

Himiko takes a few sips of the hot broth and chews on some of the noodles. Amami looks significantly happier.

They sit in silence as usual, until Himiko voices the awkward feeling in her throat, “I ran into Chabashira on the way here.”

Amami tilts his head, “Oh? What happened?”

“Literally,” Himiko says, running a hand through her hair.

Amami winces, “I hope you’re not hurt.”

Himiko shakes her head, “No… She helped me up.”

She goes quiet for a moment. Amami stares at her quizzically before she speaks again.

“She’s really pretty.”

Amami asks kindly, “Are you jealous? I understand the feeling, but you-”

Himiko shakes her head, “It’s not jealousy.”

“Oh. _Oh._ Yume-chan…” Amami speaks softly as he crouches down next to her, “You like her, huh?”

Himiko nods, “Is there something wrong with me?”

Amami takes her hand, “Not a thing. Some girls… like other girls, you know. Like how some boys like other boys.”

“Like you,” Himiko says.

Amami nods, “Exactly.”

Himiko swallows the lump forming in her throat, “I can’t tell my parents. I think they’d yell at me.”

Amami rubs circles on her back, “It’s okay, Yume-chan. You don’t have to tell them anything, especially if it might not be safe for you.”

Himiko leans on his shoulder. Amami is only a year her senior, but he feels significantly older.

-

It’s overcast, but there’s no threat of rain, so Himiko walks to Amami’s house instead of waiting for the bus. They’ll have to be quick, but if they cut through the park, they’ll make it on time.

When she arrives, he’s sitting on his porch railing, a cigarette between his lips. The soft ember would be an alluring light in the darkness, were it not making her nauseous.

Himiko stamps up the front steps and folds her arms, glaring at him.

Amami’s eyes widen and he quickly drops the cigarette, crushing it with his foot, “Uh, good morning, Yume-chan.”

Himiko says, “I thought you quit!”

Amami rubs his temple, “I did. But…”

Himiko sniffles a few times, and he sinks down and pulls her into a hug.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to upset you,” Amami says.

Himiko whimpers, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Amami lets go and nods. He reaches into his chest pocket and passes her a small box, plus a lighter, “Here. Take these, and get rid of them. I’m trusting you, Yume-chan.”

Himiko tucks the offending objects into her bag, “O-Okay. Please… don’t do that again, okay?”

Amami smiles, “Cross my heart.”

-

Amami has work directly after school, so after promising her that he won’t pick up cigarettes on the way, Himiko traipses home through the park.

The grass is slightly wet from the early morning rain, and it soaks her shoes. Himiko frowns as her socks squish with every step.

“-had more.”

Himiko turns her head to see Tenko sitting on a dilapidated swing set. She’s rooting through her coat pockets, while a very tall boy with insanely long hair leans against the metal poles with a bored expression.

At least, she thinks he’s bored. The mask makes it hard to tell.

Tenko scowls and crumples up a cardboard box, “I guess I ran out. This is so shitty. Hey, Shinguuji-”

“You know that I don’t smoke,” the tall boy, whose name must be Shinguuji, replies, “Why on earth would I carry cigarettes around?”

Tenko shrugs, “Maybe you’d do it for my sake? Because you love me.”

Shinguuji rolls his eyes, “I tolerate you.”

Tenko sticks out her tongue at him.

Himiko pauses, then opens her tote bag. Amami’s possessions are still tucked neatly inside. The terrible idea has already worked its way into her head.

“I would kill you if ever given the opportunity,” Shinguuji tells Tenko as Himiko approaches.

Tenko giggles, “The feeling’s mutual, hon.”

Himiko clears her throat and holds out the box towards Tenko, “Heard you were in need.”

Tenko dramatically clutches her heart with one hand and grins, “You. Are my hero.”

She plucks one of the paper cylinders out and sticks it between her teeth.

Himiko says, “Um, I have a lighter too, if you want.”

Tenko says, “Yes, absolutely. Other people’s lighters are so much more fun.”

She leans forward, the cigarette incredibly close to Himiko’s face. Realizing what she’s waiting for, Himiko flicks open Amami’s lighter and brings the tiny flame upwards.

Successfully lit, Tenko takes a long drag, breathing smoke into the sky above her, “You’re the best.”

Shinguuji sighs, “You’re so predictable.”

“Fuck off!” Tenko replies, flipping him off, “I don’t need you.”

Shinguuji just looks at his watch. Himiko has seen him hanging out with Tenko before, but she isn’t exactly sure what to make of this.

“Are… Are the two of you friends?” she asks.

Tenko laughs, “Best friends. Shinguuji’s just super easy to tease, you know?”

Himiko doesn’t know, but she nods along anyways.

Tenko says, “Say, I know you. You’re the girl I knocked over the other day. Yamura, right?”

“Yumeno,” Himiko responds.

Tenko shrugs, “Close enough. Say though, I took you for a goody goody. Thanks for proving me wrong.”

Himiko smiles softly, “It’s not a big deal. Just glad to see you smile.”

Ah. That wasn’t a good thing to say.

Tenko doesn’t realize it though, “Ha! I like you. Give me your number, Yumeno! I’d love to get to know you better.”

Himiko stutters out the numbers less gracefully than she would like. The entire time, Shinguuji stares coldly at her.

“Cool,” Tenko says, taking another drag from her cigarette, “I’m sure a pretty thing like you has places to be, so I’ll hit you up later.”

“Sure. Bye, Chabashira,” Himiko says, waving at the girl.

Tenko grins lazily and flashes a peace sign. Shinguuji says nothing.

Her shoes and socks continue to squish, but she doesn’t feel it anymore.

-

It’s quiet in her house when she arrives home. Her parents must be out again at some event or another.

Not that it matters. They’d ignore her if they were here, and Himiko doesn’t care.

She takes off her wet clothes and places them over the heat vent, then wanders upstairs to change into her pajamas. Himiko flops onto her bed, then stares at her askew tote bag on the floor.

She told Amami she’d get rid of his cigarettes.

Himiko looks at the bag a bit longer, then gets up and roots through it.

With the box and lighter in hand, Himiko enters her tiny bathroom.

She carefully takes one from the box and puts it between her lips, glancing in the mirror in a hopeless attempt to imitate Tenko.

Then, as her hands shake, she brings the lighter up and sets the paper on fire.

The smoke is absolutely disgusting and Himiko begins to choke immediately. The cigarette falls to the floor, where she crushes it.

After a second, Himiko places her head under the sink and turns on the faucet. When her mouth is clean, she looks at the disarray on the tile.

Himiko pulls out another cigarette and tries again.

-

Her eyes slowly lose focus as she stares numbly at her phone. Himiko’s parents are home for a change, so she’s watching _Dangan Ronpa_ on the tiny screen instead.

Season 51 is in the middle of its second trial. Himiko’s favourite - the Super High School Level Cheerleader - is the victim this time around.

Her favourites never last long. First victim, second killer, punished immediately… the list goes on. The sole time that her favourite got to the final trial, they turned out to be the ringleader.

Suddenly, a text appears on the top part of the screen. Himiko pauses the video and taps on it.

It’s Tenko, who for some reason, has taken to talking to her. They can’t exactly hang out at school, so the dark haired girl has taken to communicating like this.

 **chabashira:** [ _yumeno!!!!_ ]

 **chabashira:** [ _its super important!!!!!!_ ]

 **you:** [ _what_ ]

 **you:** [ _is this about your snake again_ ]

 **chabashira:** [ _no but he IS perfect ty for remembering_ ]

 **chabashira:** [ _i wanted to know if u like dangan ronpa_ ]

 **chabashira:** [ _most of my friends think its dumb & shinguuji never wants to watch it w me _]

 **you:** [ _i’m watching it right now_ ]

 **chabashira:** [ _omg u really are the best!!! come over on sunday we can watch some_ ]

 **chabashira:** [ _i own the first original movie from 2013!!!_ ]

 **you:** [ _sounds fun_ ]

 **you:** [ _i’ll be there_ ]

 **chabashira:** [ _cant wait!!!! xoxo_ ]

Himiko’s face flushes. She likes this girl too much.

-

Tenko’s house is very big.

Himiko feels like she could get swallowed by the girl’s sofa, with how large and plush it is.

The taller girl finishes setting up the DVD player and throws herself onto the couch, jolting Himiko slightly. She doesn’t seem to notice, and just slams the play button on the remote.

As the logos flash by, Tenko asks, “Who’s your favourite from this one? I love Celestia, but they did such a horrible job with closing her arc.”

That’s true. Himiko doesn’t remember the movie super well, but she does know that it was far too obvious that the gambler was the culprit of the third trial.

This was when _Dangan Ronpa_ used actors instead of real people, however, so it’s understandable that it’s lower quality. The screams in the newer seasons are so honest that they’re beautiful.

Himiko says, “I remember liking Ikusaba. Because you didn’t know the truth about her until the very end… when she was long dead.”

Tenko’s expression twitches, “I used to like her before I found out that she’s a massive dyke.”

Himiko blinks, “H-Huh?”

“Oh, in this re-release, they made it super obvious that she has the hots for that idol girl who dies first,” Tenko elaborates, “It’s gross. Like, why shove that in my face?”

Himiko’s breath catches in her throat. With all of Tenko’s pet names for her and her casual displays of affection, she was almost certain that Tenko liked girls.

As her stomach drops, she says, “Oh. That’s too bad.”

Tenko nods and starts talking again, going off about how pretty the detective girl is, but Himiko hears none of it.

Everything is replaced with ugly silence, and terror.

-

As Himiko chews on some shredded lettuce, Amami says, “You should tell Chabashira-san that you like her.”

Himiko shakes her head, “No way. She… she doesn’t like girls. You remember what I told you.”

“I do,” Amami admits, “But I’ve also seen the way she talks about you, and about other girls. I think she just has… some internalized issues.”

Himiko rocks back and forth, “I don’t know. If she rejects me, we might not be friends anymore. And I like her too much to lose that.”

Amami rubs his temple, “She likes you. And you’ll never know your answer if you don’t tell her how you feel.”

Himiko sighs and leans forward, slumping on the desk she’s sitting at.

Tenko? Liking her romantically? It seems like a dream. She idly scratches the desk with her ragged nails, silently contemplating the idea.

It’s stupid. It’s beyond idiotic.

But there’s no question that Tenko Chabashira makes her heart swell, and she doesn’t know what she would do if she missed this chance.

She sits up again. She knows where Tenko will be after class.

Amami smiles.

-

Himiko pushes the door to the weight room open. It’s on the second floor, and looks over the gymnasium. Usually, she has no reason to be here.

But Tenko comes to work out every Wednesday. If Himiko wants to talk to her before she disappears for the evening, she has to do it here and now.

The dark haired girl is lifting weights on the far side of the room when she enters. Himiko stares at her for a moment, captivated by strength.

_Breathe._

“Oh, Yumeno!” Tenko says, spotting her, “Didn’t ever think I’d see you up here.”

Himiko takes a deep breath and teeters forwards, “Ah, I… I wanted to talk to you.”

Tenko sets down the weights, tilting her head in concern, “Is something wrong? You look sick, hon.”

“N-No, nothing’s _wrong,”_ Himiko says softly, “It’s… uh…”

Tenko leans forwards curiously.

Himiko clenched her fists, “I… I like you.”

“I should hope so,” Tenko says, “I mean, why else would you spend so much time with me?”

This is it. This is her out. She can escape.

“Romantically,” Himiko chokes out, “I have a crush on you.”

She enchains herself.

At first, Tenko doesn’t react. It hits her slowly, and her face begins to contort, “You… You _what?”_

Himiko’s throat dries up.

The confusion on Tenko’s face is soon replaced with anger, “Are you _fucking_ with me?! That’s what all of this shit was about?! You just wanted to get with me!”

“No! I-” Himiko starts, but Tenko chucks one of the hand weights in her direction, and it barely misses her head.

“You’re disgusting,” Tenko breathes, “I’m ashamed I ever trusted you. You slimy little bitch.”

Himiko takes a few steps back, but not before another hand weight flies at her face. She ducks, but it still grazes her.

Suddenly, Tenko grabs her by the collar and lifts her off the ground. There’s an intense blaze in her eyes and it threatens to turn Himiko into dust.

“You’re like a small animal,” Tenko growls, “Ugly, sickening, and completely worthless.”

She drops Himiko, and she lands on the floor in a heap. She doesn’t even _try_ looking at Tenko as she runs out of the room, tears budding in her eyes.

In the hallway, she collapses against the wall, her entire face burning. There’s bruises up and down her arms and legs, and she can almost feel another one forming on her torso.

Himiko sits in silence for a moment, then throws up.

“Oh my…” a voice drones.

Himiko looks up to see Shinguuji approaching, his eyes narrowed. She scrambles to her feet, but nearly retches again.

Shinguuji grabs her arm and steadies her. He scrutinizes Himiko for a moment, before glancing through the tiny window in the door to the weight room.

“That girl is a carnivore,” he says lightly, releasing her, “Do be more careful in the future.”

Himiko says nothing and runs, runs as fast as she can. She has no idea where she’s going, but she clutches Amami’s lighter the entire way.

-

“I’m sorry, Yume-chan. I was wrong.”

Himiko buries her face into his sweater vest and sobs. She can’t even bring herself to speak.

Tenko’s words run on loop in her head, playing over and over like some sort of sick tape deck.

Amami rubs circles on her back as she digs her nails into his shoulders.

When she finally regains some composure, she chokes out, “I thought… I really thought that she…”

Amami squeezes her shoulder, “I know. I know, and I’m so sorry.”

He won’t meet her eyes. There’s something damaged in his expression, as he rubs his temple.

Himiko doesn’t have it in her to ask, and starts to cry again.

-

Amami doesn’t show up at school after that day.

Himiko looks for him every day, but he seems to have dropped out without a word to anyone.

She stops by his house, but his sisters don’t know where he is either.

Or if they do, they have no plans to tell her.

She tries his job, a weathered and skeevy gas station, but the manager explains that he quit a week ago.

It’s almost as if Rantarou Amami never existed.

Almost.

(She sees him again on television, introducing himself as the Super High School Level Adventurer. Himiko decides to skip this season of _Dangan Ronpa_ as she has no intention of watching him die)

-

The rumour spreads quickly. Himiko can’t walk down the hall without someone beginning to whisper about her, repeating unkind words.

It gets to be enough that she stops attending. There’s no point, especially now that Amami’s gone. It’s not like her parents care at all. She doesn’t remember the last time they had a conversation.

It’s easier to stay at home in her room. It’s easier to stare at the ceiling and think about nothing. It’s easier to break her phone so she can’t read through her old texts with Tenko.

(Easier to take the _Dangan Ronpa_ application form from her mother’s grocery store tabloid and fill it out, then mail it off. Easier to follow in Amami’s footsteps.)

-

Himiko clutches the letter with her audition time in her hand as she enters the Team _Dangan Ronpa_ waiting room. The train ride into Kyoto had been long and scary, but she can’t stop now.

They liked her application. They’re considering her for the fifty-third season. And at this point, Himiko will do anything to get away from home.

What does it matter if she dies? Everyone she cares about is dead, or hates her.

There’s so many people in the room with her that it’s suffocating. Every space that isn’t taken up by another potential contestant is held by one of what must be thousands of interns.

Himiko ends up focusing on a tall girl who appears to be guarding the door. For a moment, it’s blissful, before she remembers what happened the last time she felt this way.

She stares at her lap instead. She can’t be a mistake.

When her number is called, Himiko rises slowly and keeps her eyes on the floor. She swears, for a moment, that she spies Tenko’s twin tails out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t turn to stare.

How ugly is it, that she’s still crazy about the girl?

Himiko enters the audition room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A breeze rushes through the air, tussling his hair. He waits for it to pass, then reaches into his pocket. The new lighter is just where he left it.

Amami sighs and carefully lights the paper between his teeth. He sucks in the nicotine for a moment, then exhales copious amounts of smoke.

He’d never even thought about quitting. How could he? It was his only escape.

Amami leans back against the bicycle rack, waiting. He’s a safe distance away from his normal trek home, so nobody should see him.

Still, the hair on his arms stands on end. She’s late.

By the time she arrives, light drops of rain are falling from the sky, threatening to extinguish his cigarette. Amami scowls.

“Took you long enough.”

She sticks out her tongue, then snatches the cigarette from his hand and takes a drag, before handing it back, “Whatever. Think I overdid it with my reaction?”

“A bit,” Amami says, “She was crying, Chabashira.”

Chabashira shrugs, “It’s her own fault for being dumb enough to think I’d be interested in her. I can’t _believe_ I kept the act up for so long.”

Six months. Half a year of pretending that he never spilled Himiko’s secret. Of telling her that she had a chance. Of Chabashira faking being her friend.

“I can’t either,” he eventually says.

Chabashira frowns, “What, you care about the little bitch?”

“Of course not. I don’t give a shit about her,” Amami replies, rubbing his temple.

It’s a lie. But it’s too late. He got in too deep.

The wind picks up again, and his cigarette goes out. Amami closes his eyes.

In a matter of hours, Rantarou Amami will vanish, existing only in the memory of the girl he betrayed.

He flicks open his lighter again.


End file.
